Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
