At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
