I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
