i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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