I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
