I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
