Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
