Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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