Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
