Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
