watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
