Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
