We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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