Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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