Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
