I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize