I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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