oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
