i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
