so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
