nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
