Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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