My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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