Non-Jews are for practice
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
