Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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