you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
