Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
