ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
