you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
