I think my vagina is haunted
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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