How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize