Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
