well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
