I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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