You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
