I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
