Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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