Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
