I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
