Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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