Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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