I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im having a threesome with these popsicles
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
