Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
