I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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