he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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