While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
