Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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