Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
