32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
