dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
