Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
