Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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