I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
