Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
