i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
please don't ironically join a cult
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