I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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