when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
