We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
