After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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