i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
