i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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