Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
