I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
