she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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