my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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