Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
