I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
