We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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