Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
