i wish my penis had a tongue
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize