I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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